Actually I made this request once before many, many years ago as part of a “Queer Nation” demonstration, but since it didn’t have all of the particulars (like baptism date, confirmation date, etc. etc.) “The Church™”  didn’t honor the request.  And I move around a lot, so the LDS gremlins (aka “Visiting Teachers”) haven’t been able to keep up with me – I hadn’t seen one of those vultures in over 15 years.  And then one fine day was ruined when a few years back they “somehow” found out where I was living and came calling.  I told them where to shove it and please never come back, and again I was left in non-denominational bliss. 

Until last week, when they magically showed up at my door a mere six months from when I moved here. How in the hell were they getting my address?!?!  Creditors still don’t have my address right, hell – even the IRS doesn’t send stuff to my correct address yet!  Could it be some form of divine intervention?  NO! I’m quite positive it’s a “concerned” family member who doesn’t know bullshit (what “The Church™” dishes out) from chicken shit (when people give out your address to church vermin without your consent).  But not wanting to make their visit a total waste of my time, I quickly noticed that the paper they handed me was a copy of my church records – how convenient!  Now I had all the information I needed to “properly” express my desire to make my “Final Cut” from “The Church™.” (Officially known as “resignation” or “having your records expunged”).  So without further ado, here the “letter of resignation” that I sent today. Enjoy!

To Whom It May Concern:

 

This letter is my formal resignation and withdrawal from membership within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Effective immediately I withdraw my consent to being treated as a member and withdraw my consent to being subject to any actual or implied rules, policies, beliefs, or so-called “disciplinary actions” recognized by the LDS organization, since I am no longer a member.  I formally request that my name be removed from any and all church membership rolls or records, effectively expunging my name from any association with the LDS church.

 

I understand that “The Church” views this decision seriously and is faithful in their belief that such actions have serious “consequences.” I, however, find myself as a person who would rather pursue reason over faith, reality over wishful thinking, and follow a philosophy of objectivism and human/humane understanding over the divisive and false philosophy of Christianity (let alone Mormonism). My philosophical differences are in direct conflict with the tenets of Christianity, including those espoused by the Mormon Church. I view this decision as the only reasonable, simple, and easy decision to make.

 

My request should be processed immediately, without any so-called ‘waiting periods,’ or other artificial delays. I have been living an objective, atheistic philosophy for over 25 years and besides that, I’m also an adult gay male who has been “out of the closet” for over 20 years.  In light of the recent politically motivated and substantial LDS funding activities in support of many anti-gay ballot initiatives across the nation, I can no longer abide in the shadow of such a deceitful, shallow, and ultimately evil organization.

 

My decision in this matter is final. Any attempt to dissuade or otherwise delay this action will be viewed as legal harassment and will be remedied through legal means. I expect my request to be handled promptly, respectfully, and with confidentiality.

 

As of today, November 12, 2008, the only contact I expect and demand from the LDS church is a single confirmation letter stating that my requests to be removed from the church records and that I am no longer a member of the LDS church has been fulfilled.  Any other contact which does not expedite this process will be viewed as hostile and may constitute legal harassment.  

 

Sincerely,

“Marchosias”

(sounds like “mar-KOH-see-us”)

Hopefully they’ll get the message this time.  And if all goes according to plan, I’ll actually have something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!  Hopefully you will too!  And if you feel the need, the need to be freed, you can follow the same outline I used as a guideline over at WikiHow.

Advertisements